....it's all good....
Friday, March 19, 2010
listen to your body
right at this moment, i'm extremely fatigue.. so fatigue that i might doze off half way writing this. so bear with me if i dont make much sense..... but i do know what i'm doing :)
for facebooker friends, i guess you know i have stopped Iressa. exactly a week now and with me complaining of being fatigue and not looking so well doesn't sounds like a good sign.
the truth is all these are part of Iressa side effects that i experienced every certain days or weeks of the month.. kinda riding high at pre-menstrual. well, that's what i observed ever since i started Iressa and unfortunately, the side effects list are getting longer and longer.
initially i wrote down a whole long list of side effects with photos but i deleted them coz i want to keep this entry short (or shorter). just this one- last 2 weeks, i had a terrible nose bleed. within seconds, both my hands are covered with blood with it dripping off to my shirt, jeans and the floor. that's my first nosebleed and so far, the only time. and yes, it's iressa side effect. i wonder what's next, blood in my urine?
anyway, side effects are not the reason i stopped iressa. the worsening side effects are just indicator of toxin build up. the fatigueness i'm feeling now is something like when i had chemo but of course in a much much much much much milder scale. during chemo, i can fall asleep half way eating, standing or even walking :P
and yes, i stopped iressa without my doctor consent.
i can hear voices in my head "hello, are you attempting suicide? you are doing so well with Iressa,why stop?"
i did mention iressa dont get rid of cancer cells, it just stop the cells from dividing and growing (i will spare you the medical explanation). there is no survivor under iressa treatment. as far as i know, none of the patients survived more than a year.
i have been monitoring myself very closely. although my marker is still coming down but it has flatten out, rather stagnant. there is 2 very likely explanations to this:
(1) if Iressa has been working all along, it has lost its effect. eventually your body will get immune to the drugs and cancer cells will start to overpower and grow again. that's why the drug is to prolong patient's life and that's why there is no survivor.
(2) if Iressa is not working at all in the first place while something else does. after 5 months of toxin build up, whatever that are helping me initially are losing their effects now or has been channeled to heal or minimize the body from iressa's side effects instead.
who knows? i don't know. my doc won't know. it's all a guessing game until you proved it right.
if you look at the chart, my marker hit the highest at end of Sept 09 but already trending down in the month of Oct 09. i had my blood test just 2 days i started Iressa and it has dropped by >200 points?? Iressa is not miracle pill, it don't work that way. i have been told over and again that Iressa don't get rid of cancer cells and it will take 3-4 weeks before it take effects. so, is it really Iressa helping me? or it just a co-incidence that it was there at the right time and right moment to be showered in glory of something that it didn't do? who knows? and i want to find out...
it's not about courage, its about survival.
once again, i repeat iressa has no surviving patient. if i'm taking the treatment, i will still die of cancer. i'm already feeling the toxin build up and my body is getting weaker. it's time i have to give myself a chance to survive this before its too late.
just imagine, if you are strap on a time bomb that is ticking away. tick tick tick tick... and its getting louder and louder. you either let it tick till its time up or you take the chance to cut that damn wire. it's a risk, i know. i have no idea which is the right wire to cut but wouldn't you take that chance? or you rather let it tick tick away?
i don't want to contribute to the 'no survival' Iressa statistics.
that's why i'm taking this chance. the only chance that i might have while i still can.
at times, all we need is to take a moment to listen to our body.
and i'm listening...
just to loosen up the tension. my boys like these pic of me. they said i look like ultraman superheroes squad team :P
i wish i have that superpower to keep going to :)
note: i will monitor my self closely this month and i will report here more frequently (at least once a week) so that you know my progress.
10 Comments:
You are right, listen to your body. No one knows it better than yourself, not even doctors. While doctors will only emphasize on the importance of Iressa, those who are well read will know exactly what you have been trying to tell here. Iressa can only do as much to stop the cells from dividing and growing however without so much a chance to get rid of them altogether. Whatever else you have been doing is doing you a world of good too. So keep those going. And as you have told, its not about courage, but survival. But let me tell you something: you are so brave to have listened to yourself rather than taking a chance with science and medicine. You will only do better in time to come. Keep up the courage..you will have the superpower to keep going. We know that. Lastly, a nice graph too you have there.
yes, listen to your body. the docs can only tell you what they are supposed to tell. they dare not tell you otherwise.
and the ones who make it are usually the ones who go against their docs' orders. BUT we have to be totally sensible about it too, and i know you make intelligent choices.
so forge on. continue what you were doing .. "i had my blood test just 2 days i started Iressa and it has dropped by >200 points?? .."
you know there was something working right then.
don't double guess yourself. trust your instincts. pray. and ask God to continue to bless you in your effort.
i love you, my precious lisa.
holding your hand all the way.
kisses and hugs. xxx
To you, it's about survival. To me, you're one courageous, gutsy woman! Trust your instincts! God Bless You Lisa!
good to hear from you again...
stay strong !!
Keep up the courage and do what u think is right !! U r such a superpower women ... take k ... Pray for you too ..
Lisa, Be Strong and keep Positive..
Will continue to keep you in prayer...
Take care and update us more....
love this pic too! normally u will take pic in white. This one gives u more colour and make u happier.:)
Keep up with the positive thinking Lisa. It's the best medicine in the world. *hugs*
Lisa, my logical side tells me you are nuts. Who on earth can tell what you're talking about on FB? A race? Of course everyone's cheering you on.
But my spiritual side tells me you will survive this in your own way. Time and time again, you have pushed the limits.
But pls just monitor yourself closely ok? The second you feel something is wrong, get help ok?
luv ya, Dawn
You know your body best.. and you know what's best for you.
It's good to let your body rid itself of the toxin built up, and take it from there.
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