....it's all good....
Saturday, April 24, 2010
black is the colour for now
feel a little morbid lately.. decided to go with the mood..
black is the colour...
a dialogue with my onco:
onco: "lisa, the nodules are back in the lung" (as in the xray).
me (defensive): " but my marker is coming down...."
onco: "we don't depend on marker results, xray give a better indication."
me (defensive still :P): "but my markers have been a good indicator for the past 3 years."
onco: "lisa, let's continue iressa for another month, if the xray shows no improvement, i'm afraid you have to go on chemo again."
when you look into your onco's eyes and read this
"i can't save you but i can only treat you."
would you let him?
i hope he sees beyond the smile and read it in my eyes
"over my dead body."
i'm not trying to be smart or stubborn.
it's just too strange to make a choice on how you die when you are still so alive.
my xray shows spots again. actually it came back before i stopped iressa but look bigger and denser now. in CONTRARY, my marker results came down.
22 Mar - 129.4 ..i stopped iressa
2 apr - 187.9 .. back on iressa for 4 days before i went for my detox retreat and stopped again. i only started back iressa on 19 April
20 Apr -124.6
basically i was on iressa for 6 days only for the whole month.
confused?
who knows what is really going on?
yeap. i think even my body is confused now :P :P
anyway, get over it. live it up. and live on.
i got another month to prove myself??!.. sh00t!
the deadliest deadline ever.
love the black nail polish.. but not a good idea if you have to do dishes and housework. glamour and housechores doesn't go hand in hand. i guess the same with glamour and being sick.
black is the colour...
a dialogue with my onco:
onco: "lisa, the nodules are back in the lung" (as in the xray).
me (defensive): " but my marker is coming down...."
onco: "we don't depend on marker results, xray give a better indication."
me (defensive still :P): "but my markers have been a good indicator for the past 3 years."
onco: "lisa, let's continue iressa for another month, if the xray shows no improvement, i'm afraid you have to go on chemo again."
when you look into your onco's eyes and read this
"i can't save you but i can only treat you."
would you let him?
i hope he sees beyond the smile and read it in my eyes
"over my dead body."
i'm not trying to be smart or stubborn.
it's just too strange to make a choice on how you die when you are still so alive.
my xray shows spots again. actually it came back before i stopped iressa but look bigger and denser now. in CONTRARY, my marker results came down.
22 Mar - 129.4 ..i stopped iressa
2 apr - 187.9 .. back on iressa for 4 days before i went for my detox retreat and stopped again. i only started back iressa on 19 April
20 Apr -124.6
basically i was on iressa for 6 days only for the whole month.
confused?
who knows what is really going on?
yeap. i think even my body is confused now :P :P
anyway, get over it. live it up. and live on.
i got another month to prove myself??!.. sh00t!
the deadliest deadline ever.
love the black nail polish.. but not a good idea if you have to do dishes and housework. glamour and housechores doesn't go hand in hand. i guess the same with glamour and being sick.
posted by lisaOne at 2:01 PM
4 Comments:
You'll be fine! Keep the positive thinking, that helps a lot! You'll be fine. xoxo
I think you've done very well so far in kicking cancer in the butt. Keep it up Lisa! Love the black nails. I do black nails occasionally too:)
the doc says what he has to say. but he may not recommend that to his own mom. just saying. ;P
i know, from my own mom's case.
what he recommended, he told me later he didn't want his mom to go through it. f him.
and to think i trusted him. because i asked for his BEST advice. and he is a friend on top of it.
so, do what you need.
though not all docs' advices are bad of course.
but they say what they need to. and not how they actually feel.
when the time comes for whatever course of action, then decide (again). meantime, like what your readers said, keep positive. do what you've been doing; the qigong, etc.
just keep as healthy as you can.
collectively we will pray for you.
unity in prayer is strength.
God bless you, my precious Lisa.
love you, my gothic gal with black nails, haha. xxx
*sprinkles magic purple stardust!*
heehee.. *ciums* xxx
Post a Comment
<< Home