....it's all good....
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Believe
all my life up to about a month ago, i thought i'm a lucky girl. i really do and i will tell you why...
* i don't think there is any perfect family out there. there is just no way to quantify that but if i had a great childhood and lots of opportunities while growing up, then i believe i'm blessed with a great family. my parents love their children and i think they care too much..even till now. despite me being a little naughty and teen rebellion at that times, i love my childhood.
* i don't consider myself smart. i'm defnitely in the mean, median, mode of the intelligence normal distribution curve...you know- the average group. i used to be the girl that sit right at the back of the class...day deaming...scribbling...giggling and definitely not paying attention. burning mignight oil and last minute scrambling is a ritual of my student life. however, i'm so lucky when it comes to education. i managed to get myself a professional qualification and MBA with lots of fun. lucky me!
* i married the man i fell in love with. he adores and loves me dearly. he is a wonderful husband and great father to our children. he still believe that we are meant to be- how sweet.
* I'm a truly contented mom blessed with two beautiful, beautiful boys. They give me so much joy that at times, i lost myself in them .... they are able to melt me in their little world of pure love and joy. it's magic to me.
* every girl needs a best friend and i had one that has been with me for ages and still vow to be by my side till the end. we had unbelievable memories growing up together.
* i like my job. i have a great boss and wonderful colleagues. how many people out there that can actually say this?
* trust me. i have amazing friends. people with great heart and people that i want to share my life with. people that rallied for me in time of needs and people that care enough just to come round and give me a good luck hugs.
sure- i have my complaints...up and down in life just like everybody else but i would like to think life has been kind to me and I'm happy so far. i believe that until someone told me this:
"Adenocarcinoma lung cancer is the most common type of lung cancer in women and among people who have not smoked.. you are just SO UNLUCKY to get it."
i don't waive the possibility that things like this can happen in life...there is always a risk of dying from anything but the possibility of dying at this point in my life is so remote that i don't even think about it....let alone see it as a threat. the idea of death is so distant that i practically feel immortal but the truth is i have an expiry date with a life expectancy of less than a bottled water or canned food on a supermarket shelf. that's just brutal .
you know what? i don't think my luck has totally run out. i may be facing a life threatening crisis but it has not changed the fact that i had a great life so far and it has not stopped people from loving me....it has not changed the least bit of all that i have listed above.
moreover, i was told I have a chance...
"if you have not found out, you may have 8-9 months of life. right now we can still do something about it. from the x-ray, the tumor is situated in the lower lobe of the left lung...probably we can escape a pneumonectomy (removal of the whole left lung) and do a lobectomy to remove just the lower lobe of the left lung. it also shows that one of your lymph node is affected, which mean the cancer cells could have spread beyond the lung. although report shows that it has no metastasis to other major organs but you still needs chemo after the surgery to kill any remaining cancer cells and minimise the risk of relapse. there is also a "spot" here whereby the tumor has touched the chest wall. we can't be sure from x-ray, i need to open you up to see. if it's real, i can remove that bit and patch it back with wire ( i later found out that if the chest wall is infected, there is a high risk that the cancer cells can spread along the chest wall and if that happen, i'm as good as dead).
you are still young and besides this problem, you are generally in good health. you can take all this. take the chance. you deserve it."
despite having a tumor the size of my fist in my chest, i'm totally clueless i have a time bomb attached to me all this while. i'm symptomless...no sign..no indication at all. i have not done any medical check up for the past 3 years because i'm too busy being a mom. one day, a colleague's husband just passed away from acute leukimia within a couple of days after he collapsed. that's the tirgger point...and i was only worried i had not done my pep smear for the past 3 years. so, i took the effort to take a day off for medical check up under my company Executive Health Screening Program and thinking about shopping later. huh- little did i know i won't be shopping for a long while....
well, the thing is - what if i have not gone for the check up? will i even live pass this year?
lung cancer is a very common cause of cancer death, very difficult to treat, very frequently fatal. the prognosis is not good and survival rate is low. i don't care about statistic...all i need to know is that i have a chance.
whatever residual luck that i'm left with has given me this chance.
when there is a chance, there is HOPE.
a chance to fight for my life...a hope to live on...
i do want to live on and i will live on.
i need to believe that!
* i don't think there is any perfect family out there. there is just no way to quantify that but if i had a great childhood and lots of opportunities while growing up, then i believe i'm blessed with a great family. my parents love their children and i think they care too much..even till now. despite me being a little naughty and teen rebellion at that times, i love my childhood.
* i don't consider myself smart. i'm defnitely in the mean, median, mode of the intelligence normal distribution curve...you know- the average group. i used to be the girl that sit right at the back of the class...day deaming...scribbling...giggling and definitely not paying attention. burning mignight oil and last minute scrambling is a ritual of my student life. however, i'm so lucky when it comes to education. i managed to get myself a professional qualification and MBA with lots of fun. lucky me!
* i married the man i fell in love with. he adores and loves me dearly. he is a wonderful husband and great father to our children. he still believe that we are meant to be- how sweet.
* I'm a truly contented mom blessed with two beautiful, beautiful boys. They give me so much joy that at times, i lost myself in them .... they are able to melt me in their little world of pure love and joy. it's magic to me.
* every girl needs a best friend and i had one that has been with me for ages and still vow to be by my side till the end. we had unbelievable memories growing up together.
* i like my job. i have a great boss and wonderful colleagues. how many people out there that can actually say this?
* trust me. i have amazing friends. people with great heart and people that i want to share my life with. people that rallied for me in time of needs and people that care enough just to come round and give me a good luck hugs.
sure- i have my complaints...up and down in life just like everybody else but i would like to think life has been kind to me and I'm happy so far. i believe that until someone told me this:
"Adenocarcinoma lung cancer is the most common type of lung cancer in women and among people who have not smoked.. you are just SO UNLUCKY to get it."
i don't waive the possibility that things like this can happen in life...there is always a risk of dying from anything but the possibility of dying at this point in my life is so remote that i don't even think about it....let alone see it as a threat. the idea of death is so distant that i practically feel immortal but the truth is i have an expiry date with a life expectancy of less than a bottled water or canned food on a supermarket shelf. that's just brutal .
you know what? i don't think my luck has totally run out. i may be facing a life threatening crisis but it has not changed the fact that i had a great life so far and it has not stopped people from loving me....it has not changed the least bit of all that i have listed above.
moreover, i was told I have a chance...
"if you have not found out, you may have 8-9 months of life. right now we can still do something about it. from the x-ray, the tumor is situated in the lower lobe of the left lung...probably we can escape a pneumonectomy (removal of the whole left lung) and do a lobectomy to remove just the lower lobe of the left lung. it also shows that one of your lymph node is affected, which mean the cancer cells could have spread beyond the lung. although report shows that it has no metastasis to other major organs but you still needs chemo after the surgery to kill any remaining cancer cells and minimise the risk of relapse. there is also a "spot" here whereby the tumor has touched the chest wall. we can't be sure from x-ray, i need to open you up to see. if it's real, i can remove that bit and patch it back with wire ( i later found out that if the chest wall is infected, there is a high risk that the cancer cells can spread along the chest wall and if that happen, i'm as good as dead).
you are still young and besides this problem, you are generally in good health. you can take all this. take the chance. you deserve it."
despite having a tumor the size of my fist in my chest, i'm totally clueless i have a time bomb attached to me all this while. i'm symptomless...no sign..no indication at all. i have not done any medical check up for the past 3 years because i'm too busy being a mom. one day, a colleague's husband just passed away from acute leukimia within a couple of days after he collapsed. that's the tirgger point...and i was only worried i had not done my pep smear for the past 3 years. so, i took the effort to take a day off for medical check up under my company Executive Health Screening Program and thinking about shopping later. huh- little did i know i won't be shopping for a long while....
well, the thing is - what if i have not gone for the check up? will i even live pass this year?
lung cancer is a very common cause of cancer death, very difficult to treat, very frequently fatal. the prognosis is not good and survival rate is low. i don't care about statistic...all i need to know is that i have a chance.
whatever residual luck that i'm left with has given me this chance.
when there is a chance, there is HOPE.
a chance to fight for my life...a hope to live on...
i do want to live on and i will live on.
i need to believe that!
posted by lisaOne at 5:40 AM
15 Comments:
I am so touched and awed that I don't really know what to say. Except to tell you that although we have never met in the conventional sense, I've always looked forward to your visits, and me dropping by in here to watch your boys play and grow, so you must be a good blog buddy to me. I pray for you to heal strong and be well, my dear friend. You have such a strong will to live your life. God bless you..
I'm loss for words..
You have been my breast feeding buddy, fought for our breast feeding rights in the office..
Everytime I met you, you are so full of life.
Now, I can only say that I'll pray for you, hope you'll get well, and that you will live the beautiful life ahead.
gosh Lisa...I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you.
I pray that you will recover and watch your boys grow.
You are so strong within you and I'm sure you will survive as a cancer patient. I've seen 1 (my good fren).
May god bless you
from your post, i think that you already have many of the traits needed to see you through this crisis; love, strength, support and faith.
all you need now is a good doctor!
good luck and may u look back on this dark episode decades from now, remembering nothing but the love and support and a more enhanced appreciation towards life and all that it has to offer.
Hope and belief is the essence in cases like these. If you have hope and you believe enough to strive forward, we will too!
I can feel your positive vibe just reading your one post, I'm sure you can pull through. May God bless you and your family!
I'm shocked to read this.
The doctor has given you a good prognosis, believe him. Have faith, you will recover.
Praying for your speedy recovery.
H U G S
Be strong yeah and think positive. I heard that vegetarian & fruits diet can help reduce cancer rate.
I also read a book called "nutritional medicine (antioxidant)" can strengthen your body for chemo.
I will keep you and your family in prayers.
have faith...
I'm also lost for words....got goose bumps after reading your post. I can't imagine how you must have felt the moment you foudn out about the cancer...I pray for you and your family...
How are the boys taking it? do they know what is happening to you?
Be strong.
I will pray for you too!
*hug*
It's good that you are staying positive in the midst of this.
I really hope that you will recover and get thru this. God bless...
Oh dear, oh dear. I'm so sorry. I haven't been lurking into ur blog for quite some time and the moment I lurked into it, I was staunched to read what u've written. I don't know what to say too but u'll definitely have my prayers for u and ur family.
U've to stay strong-willed. Dat's what I believe and dat was how I got thru when I had my post-natal blues cos I told myself I won't want to depend on the medicine to be 'sane' and I know I WILL get thru and I finally got thru.
Just have will and think positively and may the Lord guide and bless u!
hope you'll get well soon ... have faith and be strong ... :) R ur kids ok?
Have not visit your blog for a while and I'm sad to hear about your health situation. We will pray for you, dear. Please take care. Your story remind me that I have not go for my medical check-up for sometimes.
I want to give you hope,
but I know not how,
I wish you'd be well,
But I know not when,
I can only pray for you,
The best mummy ever to your 2 little fellas.
stay strong.
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