....it's all good....
Thursday, October 04, 2007
one more treatment to go...
in another week, they are unbuckling the safety belt and finally letting me off the chemo roller coaster ride. after all the terror of the non-stop continuous loop of plunges, falls and spins for 4 months, i might get off a little wobbly and probably need some time to get my footing steady again. but i'm so looking forward to it.
i have been acting a little nut case this week. not sure whether it's due to the adrenalin high that i'm gonna be release back into my world again and then feeling shitty at the same time that this world i once live in no longer exist. being diagnosed with cancer kinda dump you into a different world, a world that look pretty much like the regular world but feel rather different....a world that only 'us' can understand....it's kinda hard to explain so i will talk about it in another post.
my mind is so muddled lately that i can't squeeze a single drop of creative juice to create a simple photos collage of the chemotherapy as a closure to this chapter of my life. maybe i will do it later for my own sake but i will still show you some pictures of me...i even have a little surprise.
here is a picture taken during chemo session on Cylce 4 Day 1.
.jpg)
to help unravel my acrobatic mind that is running way ahead of time, i tried to calm myself through physical exertion. instead of yoga or something more relaxing, i chose to clean the kitchen (i don't even have the strength to lift a slow cooker). my mom called and the first thing she asked "why are you panting? what are you doing?". she want me to stop whatever i'm doing immediately cause i don't sounds good over the phone. i told her i'm anaemic and just short of breath, there is nothing to worry about. so, i didn't stop until much later, when my hubby interrupted "i know this is theraupatic to you but i think you better stop cause the colour is draining off from your face ". by then, i was really tired.
however, my mind was still unsettled and i was very fidgety. then someone rang the door bell and hand delivered a bag full of goodies for my health. at the moment, i felt a rush of warmth in my heart and a feeling of gladness...an overwhelming gladness. thank you so much blogger gang. thank you so much for sticking by me for the past 4 months and your kindness are much appreciated from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU.
that night, my body ached and screamed in revenge. even my internal organs writhed in pain......but i laid in bed with gladness in my heart and a calm mind. i slept well. my thoughts are with family members that love me....friends that care for me....colleagues that work that extra time to cover for me....each and everyone who gave me their support and encouragement.
the next morning (yesterday), i went for my treatment. despite all the injections, my bone marrow are indeed exhausted from chemo and my blood counts remain low. since we are at the tail end of chemo, my doc thinks we can take the risk level a notch higher and we should continue treatment. so, we proceed with treatment and they gave me more injections to ensure i don't tumble over. come to think of it, maybe it's the injections that make feel so unstable lately.
anyway, on the way home, i told my hubby i want to do this. he is perfectly fine with it and in fact, we did it together.......what is it? scroll down for the surprise.
i decided to shave my head.....i'm a baldy now!!!!! looking at the photos, i can do with some make up to look healthier. anyway, no regrets. i'm cool with my bald head. now, let's hear from the kids:
surprisingly Brad was totally okay with it. he said, "mummy botakhead so cute. i like it". and he like touching it too.
and much to our surprise, Matt commented, "mummy, what do you do to your hair? not nice. i want your hair back, please grow it back. i don't like you anymore".
we didn't expect that. he seems to be really upset about it initially but after a while, he kinda let it go a little. when i tucked him to bed, i asked him "so, you like mummy now?". he replied, "yeah, i like mummy but i want you to grow your hair back". m'dear, mummy hair will grow back...mummy promise, give it some time, it will grow back.
my hubby told me that the first thing he said this morning, "daddy, your hair didn't grow back?".
oh well, looks like he is still upset about it.....
it's not that bad, right?
i have been acting a little nut case this week. not sure whether it's due to the adrenalin high that i'm gonna be release back into my world again and then feeling shitty at the same time that this world i once live in no longer exist. being diagnosed with cancer kinda dump you into a different world, a world that look pretty much like the regular world but feel rather different....a world that only 'us' can understand....it's kinda hard to explain so i will talk about it in another post.
my mind is so muddled lately that i can't squeeze a single drop of creative juice to create a simple photos collage of the chemotherapy as a closure to this chapter of my life. maybe i will do it later for my own sake but i will still show you some pictures of me...i even have a little surprise.
here is a picture taken during chemo session on Cylce 4 Day 1.
.jpg)
to help unravel my acrobatic mind that is running way ahead of time, i tried to calm myself through physical exertion. instead of yoga or something more relaxing, i chose to clean the kitchen (i don't even have the strength to lift a slow cooker). my mom called and the first thing she asked "why are you panting? what are you doing?". she want me to stop whatever i'm doing immediately cause i don't sounds good over the phone. i told her i'm anaemic and just short of breath, there is nothing to worry about. so, i didn't stop until much later, when my hubby interrupted "i know this is theraupatic to you but i think you better stop cause the colour is draining off from your face ". by then, i was really tired.
however, my mind was still unsettled and i was very fidgety. then someone rang the door bell and hand delivered a bag full of goodies for my health. at the moment, i felt a rush of warmth in my heart and a feeling of gladness...an overwhelming gladness. thank you so much blogger gang. thank you so much for sticking by me for the past 4 months and your kindness are much appreciated from the bottom of my heart. THANK YOU.
that night, my body ached and screamed in revenge. even my internal organs writhed in pain......but i laid in bed with gladness in my heart and a calm mind. i slept well. my thoughts are with family members that love me....friends that care for me....colleagues that work that extra time to cover for me....each and everyone who gave me their support and encouragement.
the next morning (yesterday), i went for my treatment. despite all the injections, my bone marrow are indeed exhausted from chemo and my blood counts remain low. since we are at the tail end of chemo, my doc thinks we can take the risk level a notch higher and we should continue treatment. so, we proceed with treatment and they gave me more injections to ensure i don't tumble over. come to think of it, maybe it's the injections that make feel so unstable lately.
anyway, on the way home, i told my hubby i want to do this. he is perfectly fine with it and in fact, we did it together.......what is it? scroll down for the surprise.
i decided to shave my head.....i'm a baldy now!!!!! looking at the photos, i can do with some make up to look healthier. anyway, no regrets. i'm cool with my bald head. now, let's hear from the kids:
surprisingly Brad was totally okay with it. he said, "mummy botakhead so cute. i like it". and he like touching it too.
and much to our surprise, Matt commented, "mummy, what do you do to your hair? not nice. i want your hair back, please grow it back. i don't like you anymore".
we didn't expect that. he seems to be really upset about it initially but after a while, he kinda let it go a little. when i tucked him to bed, i asked him "so, you like mummy now?". he replied, "yeah, i like mummy but i want you to grow your hair back". m'dear, mummy hair will grow back...mummy promise, give it some time, it will grow back.
my hubby told me that the first thing he said this morning, "daddy, your hair didn't grow back?".
oh well, looks like he is still upset about it.....
it's not that bad, right?
posted by lisaOne at 12:12 PM
32 Comments:
My dear, you look absolutely lovely! I wish I could come visit you, but being 6000 km away makes it a bit difficult! I will come back in June 08. That will give you more time to get well enough to receive guests. You must get well for me, ok? *big hugs*
Great to hear from you again and you finally will make it.
...we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)
Rest yeah and pamper yourself.
Hi,there u look great!Yes is true. Hope u get well soon. Glad to heard tat u are ok. Remember I will pray for u and for urself remember dun ever give up.
Take care and rest more.
Wow, you are pretty!! Your kids are great.. Big Hugs for you, ok? :-)
Absolute. Beauty.
With all honesty.
Hei, wonderful to hear from u again and glad to know u are doing fine.
No, No, it's not bad after all. U do look great, in fact u look kind of 'sexy'. Haha, Brad loves ur botak head? Poor Matt, he's not used to seeing u with no hair on the head.
Don't overstress urself with the house work. If u feel like doing and stretching it out, do it little by little at a time. I guess doing something is better than resting all the time (don't get me wrong). U do need to rest.
aside from the bald head, I wouldn't have guessed that you have cancer! You loko great! By your description of yourself, I expected you to have sunken cheeks! You look great girl!
u certainly look great...definitely not like a cancer patient at all!!!
Why everytime when I read your post my eyes go all foggy and cloudy..
Lisa, you look absolutely beautiful, you have lost some weight and your hair, but besides that, you look good.
Brad seems to adore you no matter what.. Matt is probably older and knows how to prefer things.
And your husband? What can I say?? Such a wonderful man, to do this together with you.
*HUGS*
dear lisa, i stumbled upon your blog and read through it in one go. i was in tears and in envy. what shone through so startlingly is the love, support and care that you had, have and will continue to have. the fullness of your life just burst through the pages, whether you realise it or not. my lady, there are millions out there (yes, including me) that do not and will never have even 1/1000000th of what you have and ironcially, some of them have the (mis)fortune of living a long empty life starved of those love and care that is so abundantly present in your life. oh, what they would do to have an exchange with you, yes, cancer and all. even if their lives were to be cut short by half. for life is ultimately measured in its quality. nothing else. a 10 seconds of tender loving touch is infintely more precious than 80 years of barreness and aloneness. some don't even know what a warm hug and a tender loving kiss feels like all their lives. if i be blunt - your life seems full already, by any measure. all else is bonus, lisa and if i may say so - greed. my apologies for being blunt in my words. from the bottom of my heart, i wish you and your loving family well. somehow, i know you will get through this. no, not because of God (there is no such thing) but because your good karma will carry you through. after that, remember my words and give back, for you have enough already. cheers.......
Hi Lisa, I was really looking forward to his post. I knew you will live to your promise to surprise us with a treat. In the first pic, you were having treatment in style. In the second pics, you got the Sinead O'connor look. Very bare and allows your features to be the focus. I agree. You look very sexy. When did you learn to pose like that? To carry off the bald look, one has to have proportionate head and great facial features. You have them all. To give you an idea, why don't you try posing nude? It will look really artistic. The baldness will add to the effect. Trust me...
Take care Lisa! I am expecting more great pics on this blog!
cheers, Dawn
you really look good! once glance, i wont even think that you're going through what you're going through now.
my hats off to you...even in your pictures, you look so cheerful.
please don't exhaust yourself physically too much with your therapeutic chores. go for the easier ones that don't tire you out at all.
lastly, thank u for sharing. not just on what you're going through but your positivity on it all. keep that smile on you, it's contagious!
take care!
You're very strong Lisa. And you look great! No kidding. Very 'in' you know.. :D Have a good rest..
You look great!!! "nuff said :)
honestly, i think you look great and trendy! ya know, your new look reminds me of Sinead O'Connor ;)
You look so refresh with the bald head look. Love the photo collage and the kids expression of ur supprise to us and them.
Everyone's said it - you are blessed with beautiful features to carry off that Sinead O'Connor look. Those shots are so sexy - they remind me of the RealBeauty photo shoots Dove did.
You are beautiful because you have "the courage to believe that you are beautiful" as Dove defines it perfectly =)
Don't mind Matt - he's at the age of saying things out loud e.g. "That man is fat", "Mummy, why got big, red circle at the back of Auntie's skirt?".
Also, he's understanding the world in simple, black & white terms i.e. men go to work, wear pants and women wear skirts, have long hair etc. Give him time to get use to the change, ok?
When I cut my long hair to a boy style and dyed it the first time, I got a lot of groans etc from family members but my toddler was just like Brad, Mummy looks the same. However, one pre-schooler said, "Auntie, you look like Ronald McDonald!" :P LOL
Cheers!!!
Seriously, you look great :D Just like a yummy mummy... love the new do. Do take care ya!
You ARE Beautiful!
I'm so happy for you that this chemo episode is going to be over soon! You're one brave girl, Lisa!
Take good care and don't over strain yourself k? "hugs"
Lisa you look absolutely great....happy to see you...
iiu6tH Your blog is great. Articles is interesting!
sorry didn't visit for quite awhile. its great to see that you are ok. the kids are cute especially brad ... his expression looked really funny.
vdvSjE Wonderful blog.
Please write anything else!
Wonderful blog.
Thanks to author.
actually, that's brilliant. Thank you. I'm going to pass that on to a couple of people.
Wonderful blog.
Wonderful blog.
Magnific!
B3UUe6 Please write anything else!
Good job!
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