....it's all good....
Friday, March 14, 2008
what's up doc?
blood test result came out good. finally it indicated i'm normal again. even my CA125 dropped to 35.6, just a wee bit 0.6 above the acceptable level. but then my doc said there is a whole array of errors with blood test. it doesn't really mean anything concrete except that there is no urgency to take any actions.
*mood started swinging to the right*
i heard him mentioned a few times good good good and probably more than twice fantastic but then, i think he also mentioned good now doesn't mean good forever.... far from it actually. chances of recurrence is high and if does come back... well, i will die (although he never actually said that). way too high mortality rate. of course if i can live past 5 years, the recurrence rate will reduce significantly but unfortunately the chances of recurrence is highest in the 1st 2 years. *mood took a swing to the left now*
by the time we are done and walked out of the hospital, my emotion was swinging like a pendulum. feeling like i'm gonna just drop dead and die. poof and vanish! gone forever. probably should start planning my own funeral now. in fact, all these are old news. nothing that i don't know of but why am i still swinging like a yo-yo when what i hear is just a repetition?
anyone in the right mind would want to kill their doc at time like this but i guess i'm not in my right mind then and he was spared. indeed i know. i know he is just trying very hard to tell me with good intention, "don't slack. take really good care of yourself and live past this 5 years".
i did let myself mourn over my shitty situation a little ... just to get it out. 24 hours is all i gave myself. yea.. go! beat yourself up. weep. grief but you are gonna wake up the next day feeling good again- that's what i told me. well, obviously i didn't sleep well that night but the swinging pendulum did stop at a cheerier mood the next day.
i hesitated writing this post but i decided if i'm gonna talk about my experience with cancer, i guess i should bare my soul too. believe me i'm not always that confidence. that upbeat. there are time that make me just wanna stay like this forever....
(note: just in case you wonder why this pic. balasana or child pose as in yoga is a restful pose slotted in between more challenging asanas.)
*mood started swinging to the right*
i heard him mentioned a few times good good good and probably more than twice fantastic but then, i think he also mentioned good now doesn't mean good forever.... far from it actually. chances of recurrence is high and if does come back... well, i will die (although he never actually said that). way too high mortality rate. of course if i can live past 5 years, the recurrence rate will reduce significantly but unfortunately the chances of recurrence is highest in the 1st 2 years. *mood took a swing to the left now*
by the time we are done and walked out of the hospital, my emotion was swinging like a pendulum. feeling like i'm gonna just drop dead and die. poof and vanish! gone forever. probably should start planning my own funeral now. in fact, all these are old news. nothing that i don't know of but why am i still swinging like a yo-yo when what i hear is just a repetition?
anyone in the right mind would want to kill their doc at time like this but i guess i'm not in my right mind then and he was spared. indeed i know. i know he is just trying very hard to tell me with good intention, "don't slack. take really good care of yourself and live past this 5 years".
i did let myself mourn over my shitty situation a little ... just to get it out. 24 hours is all i gave myself. yea.. go! beat yourself up. weep. grief but you are gonna wake up the next day feeling good again- that's what i told me. well, obviously i didn't sleep well that night but the swinging pendulum did stop at a cheerier mood the next day.
i hesitated writing this post but i decided if i'm gonna talk about my experience with cancer, i guess i should bare my soul too. believe me i'm not always that confidence. that upbeat. there are time that make me just wanna stay like this forever....
(note: just in case you wonder why this pic. balasana or child pose as in yoga is a restful pose slotted in between more challenging asanas.)
posted by lisaOne at 10:00 PM
27 Comments:
Keep praying and don't think about it. No one really knows when one going to die. Everyone will some day, instead of worry, just live a happy life.
*gently smacks lisa's cute butt*
Time to get up, hunnie! 24 hours is over, rite? Time to partayyyy! ;)
OK seriously, I ditto the "don't slack these 5 years" part... okay? Pinkie Promise? Seal With A Kiss?? *muaks*
And, no stressful life too, okay? Thumb Promise?? Hehehe...
xxooxx
just live as best as you can. miracles abound everyday. and you're looking so good and sexy, it's hard to concentrate on typing, lol!
i will write more when i can be contained.. :P
haha, after posting comment then i see angeles'! *smacks lisa's butt too* cheh. i was being polite for nothing earlier. paiseh mah. alone.
I am sure you can do it... the hardest fight you have gone tru & won, now just to build your guard for 5 yrs.... so, after that, you can relax abit. So, now u should SMILE.... nothing beats the sickness by having a positive mood ;)
oooh, I want to smack that butt too! Leave some for me!!!
Hey, think of all those lormaikais if you need another swing, ok? And the foot and toe reflexology, and all those afternoons sipping iced teh under those giant water spewing fans... and then don't forget our pile under the bed!!
...and also hanging upside down on misti's shelves, and grazing padangs with ecl, and doing unmentionables with angel's twelve fingers and twelve toes...
*haha*
lol at the sampat gang (angeles, lb and moi of cos) who has descended upon your blog. *pinch*
Think positively!
Miracle do happen, I am waiting for miracle happen to me too! Let's pray for it now!
Lisa dear,
you've done what you can do, leave the rest to God ok? I see you have so many loving and cheerful friends here that always make me smile (of course make you smile as well!)... I am sure they (and me) will always be here to support you whatever might happen.
Trust in Him and keep praying...
We are all with you....
God knows more than any of us...
Be happy always...
Lisa dear, you are taking good care of yourself and I will support you all the way. Many many 5 years have gone and will come...why bother to count them? No one knows what will happen the next day, just live your life fullest everyday and be happy every minute. Lets have some fun,gal! *mauks* & *smooches*
lisa baby, i love you. stay healthy as best as you can. i'll be here for you all the way. angeles and lb too. we will rahrah you through this five years and more. eat healthy, maintain a healthy lifestyle and you'll be even healthier than most of us ya? *hugs my precious*
dear mybabybay,
thank you. i will. i will think happy thoughts and live a happy life.
dear angel lovah,
*give full butt view for a smack*
pinkie 1st. thumb 2nd and tongue next! haha! love ya!
dear mistibaby,
hahaha. love u for being that funny!!!!
dear mistibaby,
just be u! and again ... love u by just being u!!
dear cheryl,
thank you. yeah. gotta be strong and smile always :)
dear lb,
piak with hands or whip?!!
can't wait 4 lormaikais, foot and toe reflexology, and all those afternoons sipping iced teh under those giant water spewing fans... JULY 08!!!!!
and love that pile under the bed!!
dear lb,
now.. you have to fill me in on angel's twelve fingers and twelve toes
dear lb,
*smooch smooch*
dear mistibaby,
can't get enough of the sampat gang!!!!! love the sampat to bits!
dear Jess,
thank you. i will pray for your miracle too..
dear trinity,
thank you. thank you.
i count my blessings everyday. i'm indeed surrounded by wonderful wonderful people.
dear chanel,
thanks Chanel. yes, i will have faith!!!
dear alice,
thank you m'dear. for being there! kinda make the battle a little easier with such support from you :) *hugs and kisses*
dear mistibaby,
*give a big wet kiss to misti*
thank you. thank you. love you much too!
Hey, girl, i'm sure you can do it! Don't think too much ya...24hours' over...now it's time to get back to reality, move your cute butt and live a life!! :)
Yeah, be happy, stay positive and smile always! :)
Hugs..
And I will keep praying for you! Do you mind if I write you in my prayer list?
I believe all the "bads" will be over very soon and you will stay healthily!! :-)
*a hug for you*
Dun be pendulum ok? You can only be pendulum when u're mabuk. So Cheer up and think Positive!
just enjoy urself and think positive. Mentally strong is what you need :).
I cannot imagine it is easy living with an expiry date hanging over your head!! Of course like any other normal human being, you have your ups and downs in your daily life. In your case, I guess it's a bit more extreme as it is literally between life and death!
You know, I am struggling as I write this. I don't know whether what I say will come across as too flippant or offend you as I have no experience of what you have been through. Perhaps the triviality of such comments comes across as patronising as hey! this is cancer we are talking about here!! But I would hope that you are open-hearted enough to ignore such 'clumsy' attempts to give you support and comfort, yes? :)
Because of you, I have been giving yoga more serious thought and have checked out some centres. Need to seriously look into the physical health dept as it has been left unattended to for far too long!
*gives a swat to the butt too*
this is a reminder for us all to live in the moment:P
glad to know that your results turned out swell...
Hey pretty.. nice butt there. Like the rest commented. 24 hours is up. Partyyyyy!!!!
hmmm.. how come I missed this post?
This is good news.. but do continue to take good care of yourself.
You are my inspiration. I try to eat more veg and fruits now (hubby started to ask the maid to slice fruits for me every day.. another way he shows he cares ha) and I also started walking/running in the morning.
I want to go back to yoga too, but the session here is at 8pm to 9pm, right smack where the kids need most attention. :(
We have young kids, cancer or not, we still owe it to them to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of them. (if only it's so easy all the time.)
am i too late ?? no hor ..
u have a very brave and confidence attitude, even sometime u r not, but at least u won this battle . heh ... be happy and live for the day just like it's was a last day . Enjoy simple things, laugh often and cherish your health.
I m planning for a yoga or pirate soon too after 5 days admitted, i realize we need a good health .
take k yer ...
I'm sure u can make it!!! if not for u, for your 2 lovely ones...
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