....it's all good....

1. GO green 2. time to plAy 3. Ultraman mArch 4. my 3 bOys 5.not sure how to describe this 6. Green EGGs and HaM- Dr Seuss 7. self potrait mirrOr shOt 8. my notebOOk and Brad's yellOw chicken radiO 9. still cry like a bAbY 10. veGGie juice 11. Matt's schOOl prOject 12. time to LEARN 13. cOlOurful wOOden tOys 14. just sO him 15. the Only pink fluffy sOft girlie stuff at hOme 16. Ben10

one of those day again- lots to say and yet don't know what to say.

many people think it's so easy to take photos of my kids....they are so collaborative and at ease with my camera.
the truth is - 'it's not always as easy as it looks'. so, here it is - a tale of the photos.

last 2 weeks, i spotted Brad eating his breakfast with his feet up on a stool. i wanted that shot and hastily reached for my camera but the lil fella knew what's coming. he quickly changed his stance to avoid me taking his photo and no amount of persuasion can make him change his mind. so, end of camera story.

the preparation...
last week, my hubby gave the lil fella some ice cream, prepped the chair and stool, asked him to sit there and whispered softly to me, "honey, you can take his picture now." and i blurry replied, "take what picture?" and then......"oh", quietly retrieving my camera.
this hubby of mine although hates (okay, maybe just dislikes) my camera but he put up with my crazy hobbies and all...even supported it at times. he remembers...how sweet!!



the persuasion....
before i can even take a shot, this lil fella already screaming at me, "mummy, no. don't want to take pictures. don't want". a lot of resistance to deal with it. then i went over to talk to him, tried negotiation, persuasion....but fat chance. he is not backing down.



the bribery....
since talking is taking us no where, i played my trump card- bribery, "mummy give you another scoop of ice cream if you let me take picture, can?" he answered without even thinking, "okay".
wow, so easy. you just need to push the right button.



the criticism...
then there is also time for review and criticism...shall i say constructive cristicism?

daddy asked, "why so many snaps of his feet-ah?"
lil Brad asked, "mummy, why feet only?"

you must be wondering too- "what's with the feet?".
err...dunno...cute wor ....don't you think?
maybe other blogger photography mummies that are hot on kiddies' feet can answer this.

and of course, i don't only take his feet......although the feet started it :-)

the pix were slotted in for the colour and to break the monotomy of plain words. it's perfectly alright for you to just look at pictures and not read the write-up or vice-versa ;)

1) what's your weight now?

i think around 42++kgs. it hit lowest - slightly below 42kg in the last month of chemo and hover around 42-43kg since then. not so bad-lah. all in all less than 10 kgs....can't even beat those slimming center. (hahaha- okay, just joking).


Roman bath at Bath Abbey, England.


2) what happen to your CA125 marker?

oh, i completely forgotten about that. what happen is - it went bonker towards the last 2 months of chemo. happily zigzagging...instead of coming down after chemo, it went up after chemo and then came down and knocked up again after chemo- totally making fun of us. so, we are scratching our head now unable to conclude.

my doc said CA125 marker is the most unstable marker (can be influence by so many other factors) and from the reading, there is no specific trend...looks more like it's caused by chemo rather than cancer. so, we are just gonna leave it be for now and further kiv. re-test again after my body stabilize from chemo.

it has not come down below the acceptable level yet. last read is around 71.
yeah, i want it to come down...just for that peace of mind but no, i'm not that worried about it. If i have to worry, i'm more worried about my coming PET scan *shudder all over*.


the view looking up from Roman bath- hot air balloon and flying birdies-yea.

3) did i get back my menstruation?

Sept...Oct...Nov almost up...damn- not yet!
actually i'm still calm and patient about it. if the tension builds up and i lose my cool again, i will come in here to write another 'kick-the-cancer-ass' post - hahaha .
seriously, i'm still waiting very patiently :-) will let you know once it comes back, ok? never thought i will ever announce my period to the www - so embarrassing.


(front of Bath Abbey)

i have quite a number of you asking about my diet. sure, i will post about it next time. good to share :)

everynight....when we are done with our goodnitey smooches (for the past few nights, i'm out of the game, not allowed to touch the kids because of my flu...arggghhh) ....when the lights are off...when we are nicely tuck in....you will hear our 'love ya' medley to one another. altogether. not always in this sequence.

i love you mummy. i love you matty. i love you daddy. i love you mummy. i love you boys. i love you Brad. i love you honey. i love you little ones. i love you baby.




and then, my favorite bit:

i love you everybody. i love you everybody. i love everybody. i love you everybody.



we are so crazy about each other right now.
i know one day we have to move the boys out and i'm so gonna miss our 'love ya' medley.

are U always that positive and optimistic?

sadly, no.
i do have my downtime. when the blues attack, all I wanna do is hide in a corner or curl up in bed and cry my heart out. fortunately, my ‘feel-alive’ days outnumbered the ‘dead-woman-walking’ days.
better still, i have fewer blues attack nowadays.

are U really asymptomatic (no sign of symptom) prior to diagnosis?

i tried to recall in the mind many times of any telltale sign that might indicate my body in such a dire state. i’m clueless. there was no coughing or pain in my chest at all. i can eat so well and i’m concern about gaining weights rather than losing weights at that time. those that see me almost everyday pre-cancer can vouch to that. i think it must be shocking to my fellow colleagues that i took a day off but ended up never return for the next 6 months.

i don’t even feel breathless but that’s probably because i sit on my butt all day long (working-mah). the only indication could be that i feel tired easily but then again, i’m a working mom of 2 young kids with no maid – feeling tired is an understatement, i should be downright fatigue but instead i'm still a hardcore mom, tending to my kids and also the housechores whenever possible. in fact, i feel more of the symptoms now after treatment than before.

during one of the chemo session, i was chatting with the oncologist nurse and she told me about this young man, 26, recently graduated from Med school, got himself a job in a hospital and went for the required routine medical check-up only to find out he has lung cancer (my type), stage 4. it has spread to his liver, bones and brain…according to the nurse, he is asymptomatic. not a clue until the medical checkup.

the nurse said, he look so lost. can you imagine how he feels? i can’t even say i understand how he feels exactly. but try this- close your eyes and imagine this.

a truck run you over, reverse, backtrack to run you over again before dragging you a mile ahead with your loved ones standing at the side watching.

if you don’t feel the slightest fear at all, then you should be listed in the Guinness Book of World Record as the bravest person on earth. the fear at that moment can send you straight into emotion paralysis.

it's really hard to believe he has it in his brain and yet there is no symptom at all. how can this be? no headaches, something or anything? maybe he has at least mild headaches but simply overlook? they said if it’s up in your brain, you should have splitting headaches and even visual impairment.

i didn't have my MRI brain scan because i believe it's not affected and my doc, don't think it's necessary too. i’m not someone prone to headache and i very rarely have it. so far, i don’t have any headaches post cancer but a mild headache now will probably send me running to the imaging department for a MRI scan.

the earlier the cancer are detected, the higher the survival rate but unfortunately, many cases are detected late.
so, please do self examination (for breast) and follow up on your medical check up diligently.


to that young man, I have no idea who you are and where you are but i just want to say, don’t ever give up hope, many have survive against the odds. LIVE STRONG.


how is your hair now?

errr......look like him-lor! hahahaha...


it's about an inch long and sparse. it will take a while before all my hair grow back. i'm ok with that. as cute as the lil fella now - hahaha.

2 young kids + ever increasing toys = CLUTTER! which parents don't know this, rite?"

our house have very limited space and the kids have abundant of stuff. that's why we are very into storage, SToRAGe and more STORAGE to keep the place liveable.
we use cointainers, bins, boxes, baskets.... all kinds and sorts ....in every nook and crook of the house. the kids can access and find their toys easily and spare the parents' headache and heartache of missing toys.

before i give you the impression that my goodie boys keep their own toys-hold that thought.....no, they don't. just like other kids, they like to make a mess for their parents to clean up. so, we , the parents tidy up most of the time unless we dangle the carrot i.e. "boys, please keep your toys before we can go kai-kai" or boys, please tidy up before you can play game".

this post contains lotsa of pictures and it's all about toy storage.

since my boys' fav is ultraman....let's start from there.

i really like this boxes with wheels from ikea. they are so colorful and user-friendly to kids. the green one house all the ultraman and monster figurines.


i can expect my kids to retrieve it on their own, anytime they want to.



of course, this behaviour is not expected and not encouraged.......
*thinking twice* why not? they are having so much fun. or probably just Brad having fun..(it has nothing to do with storage either but was slotted in here for fun too)


i think transparent containers are so useful. we can see what's in it at a glance.
this transparent containers from Ikea (again) is a real joy to have. that's an utraman mask on top.



more toy boxes squeeze into a corner of the house.



we also try to keep their books in one place but........


you can find their books all over the house instead.
on the chairs (Dr Seuss is their fav at the moment).


on our bed stand (most of the time, it's piling up sky high- not as neat as in the pix here) .....on the floor (no pix-lah)....in the loo...everywhere, anywhere the kids can reach.


for the more colorful wooden toys (from ikea again) that they have outgrown, i displayed them here. do check out the underbed storage case below the cupboard.


we have more toys in it....and we have containers within containers. * i pause here and wonder, goodness- we are such containers junkie*


the clear boxes are great to hold small toys like soldiers, animals etc.


we got these superheroes container from KFC.


peeping inside the cupboard drawers, you will see more kiddies stuff.
the left hand side contain all the kids DVDs, VCDs etc.
the right ....i think the kids will know what's in there more than me.



again storage within storage. this one is to keep the miniature game gears from McD (i think)


and this is to keep the cards and small items stuff.



we have it under the table too.



and again more containers within container.
*i start to get lazy and not digging into the smaller boxes now*


and also at every corner of the house that is unused.




bored yet? i am.
so, i'm skimming and skipping straight to the "Keep Out of Children Reach" zone.
it's the black bag on the left-the playstation II. they just can't get enough of it. it's a controlled item now-mummy said so- tough luck!



if you think we are such tidy people, please think again after you see this....


despite all effort, it looks like this whenever the kids are at home.
but who cares....we love having the kids around......and we can always tidy up aftermaths i.e. when they go to bed.

i have so much to be thankful for.

i'm a mess now. bleary eyes and a reindeer nose.
feeling drowsy from med and should really be in bed.
however, i'm thankful it's just a flu. nothing life threatening.

i'm thankful for my loved ones. for having each other. for loving one another.
i'm thankful for kind hearts. incredible support. great friendship.


despite heavy rain outside, we can still enjoy serenity, peace and love in the comfort of home.

i wish all of you a wonderful THANKSGIVING!

not so GREATiful today. cannot believe i'm down with flu again.
watery and itchy eyes. red and runny nose. sneezy too! *grrrrr*

my white blood cells has normalised. so, i'm not quite sure why am i still so "tau foo fah" (translated "beancurd"; interpreted: eerrr....sickie and weaklin, i think).

my respiratory doc did warned me to get my flu jap every March and Nov (flu season).......but he is on vacation since 11th and will only be back tomorrow (22th). should have just gone to a normal GP for the jab but i waited for him because i want him to check on my bronchitis too.

anyway, no biggie. just a flu.

wanna blog about Matt's recent fav.

mummy: Matt, you need a new school bag (his bag is too small). what do you want?
Matt: how about Ben10 bag?

mummy: Matt, you need a new pair of sandals (his sandal is broken). what do you want?
Matt: how about Ben10 shoes?

mummy: Matt, Christmas is coming? what present do you want?
Matt: how about Ben10 watch?

anyone of you familiar with Ben10? i think Ben10 is about a boy who found a watch that can turn him into 10 different aliens to battle the evil. it's Matt recent fav.


these are some of his Ben10 collection. see the little toes at the right hand side. Brad's little toes. love them being captured here.


this photo has nothing to do with Ben10. i post it here because i like it. like the way he played with his toys

i think Ben10 is just a temporary hype. it will usually come and go just as quickly. i will see how long this Ben10 hoopla will last.
however, my kids have been faithful to ONE superhero and their interest for this one particular superhero have not fade till now.

it's no other than ULTRAMAN.



they love their ultraman(s).



okie. run out of veges for juicing. gotta go and do my groceries....till then.

learn a new word from Matt yesterday. he said, "that's great. so GREATiful!"

feeling GREATiful today.....heading off to Yoga now.

as per wikipedia, prognosis is a medical term denoting the doctor's prediction of how a patient's disease will progress, and whether there is chance of recovery.

my prognosis based on:

(1) statistic collected from hundreds or thousands of people with the same type of cancer, the staging of the disease and treated with the same type of medical treatment. the prognosis are derived from the survival rate of this group of people.

my case - only 25% surviving more than 5 years. yikes
prognosis are like grafitti...if it's good - you will like it but if it's bad- it's an eyesore.
what do i think? *pinch cheek* - no feeling. numb already.



(2) and then, my doctor said "prognosis from statistic are based on thousands of people but they are not Lisa".
instead he gave me a 50% survival rate of more than 5 years based on my own risk profile (sex, age, general health etc etc).

yippee yaya...a better report card from my doc... but it's like watching this magnificient cathedral from the outside but cannot enter because it's under reno.
so, gotta wait 5 years to find out-ah?



(3) Goh gave me a book called "live strong", patted my back and said, "you are 100% survivor to me".

who is Goh? is he a fortune teller? he has superpower-ah? can predict the future, is it?
no, he is just a good friend who is trying to cheer me up.

many wouldn't dare make such a statement, worried that they might give false hope to a dead end situation but i'm so glad he did. it made me FOCUS solely on the surviving part. if they gave you 25%, make it to the 25%, then you are 100% survival.

so, of all 3, i'm keeping this. it's like dancing in the snow. magical but totally believable.



frankly, i don't really believe in prognosis, let alone trust it. human beings are not canned food and should not be given a pre-determined expiry date. we don't have added preservative for a limited shelf life. human body are not stagnant, it's dynamite, alive and evolving continuosly as we nourish it with good food and empower it with positive mind. that's explain why two people with the same prognosis can have different outcome.

nobody can predict your future and tell you when you are going to die....leave that power to GOD, not humankind.

let me introduce you to a superstar, a real live superhero of the cancer world.
SEAN SWARNER, a two time cancer survivor. he was first diagnosed with final stage Hogkin disease at 13 and given few months to live. he survived it but was striken again the 2nd time with a golf ball size tumor in his right lung and given a prognosis of less than 2 weeks. he is 32 now and still kicking ass. not only alive, he climbed mountains after mountains with only one lung to provide hope and inspiration to those affected with cancer. to tell us that, we can beat cancer.
kudos to him. such a spirit. i'm inspired and hopeful.

a lot of pictures....less words.

WHEN THEY ARE IN AN ENTERTAINING MOOD.


"mummy, i can't smile for your camera anymore. i can only do this."


"i'm shooting you back with a (fake) gun." (interpreted- stop paparazzing me!)

and then, THEY SWITCH MOOD TO:


"i don't friend you anymore"


and they whined non-stop "can i play game now?"
(we promised them to let them play PSII during school holiday).

it's time to put down my camera.......


i have not used the external flash for a long while. got it fully charged. pulled out my camera again at night to play the 'blink-blink' game with my kids.

what's a 'blink-blink' game?
you snap a shot. the camera flash goes off and my kids acted all funny like this.





i showed it to my hubby and he said in disbelief,
"honey, why you flashed the kids until they can't open their eyes?"
....................................................(speechless).
of course i won't do that....not ever!

just in case you wonder too. the flash is directed towards the wall or the ceiling and NEVER directly at the kids.
they can stare right at my camera without blinking if they want to.

proof :P




but they prefer to do this. IT'S THEIR FUN MOOD and i'm loving it!





yep, i'm back to "ALL ABOUT MY KIDS" mood again :)