....it's all good....

last night i slept well. no pain killer.
didn't bother me that they woke me up at 5am for the observation check.
sleeping through at O2 level of 96 :)
didn't bother me that they woke me up again at 7am to poke a needle through my vein to draw blood.
don't even feel the pinch.

something i should have told you earlier:
my handphone lost its connection with no service once i checked into the hospital ward. i can't make and receive calls, send or receive sms. strangely i can access to wifi and the internet with it. as i was feeling very sick then, it didn't bother me that much that my phone is not working as it should be but now, i do feel the inconvenient and very sorry that i'm not contactable to many concerned friends at this time. i promise i will reply all the sms-es once i'm able to receive them.

despite the lack of connection,
there are still coincidences where caring people thought of me and asked of my well-being.. such coincidences that led to the knowledge that i'm sick and in the hospital. not only that he sent me a big bouquet of flowers and fruits with caring thoughts..
yesterday, the last day of our company financial year end, usually a critical and busy day. being a very important and significant personnel to the company.. he re-scheduled meetings with clients to make time for a short visit to someone, who is not only just an employee of the company but he called 'a friend'.

has your life ever been touched by someone so dramatically?
he has touched my life that day..deeply.

thanks TF for being such a wonderful people person that you are!!
thank you TF and Lai Fun for the visit... more importantly, for that human touch to give me the magic lift at my most vulnerable moments. *hug hug hug*
i feel empowered.

this morning,
as i woke up and logged on my blog. i read all your comments with a warm fuzzy heart. i cried a little...
thank you all.... loved ones, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, bloggers, strangers
for your prayers, kind words, encouragement and so much more than words can speak.
i feel empowered.

thank you so much C&C team for the basket of fruits and flowers too. lovely!
a warmth hug to Dawn. so sorry i can't contact you personally. glad that you managed to get hold of daniel instead. so sorry to worry you. *hugs*.
Ah Nee and May May, love our chat today. *muacks!*

i feel so so great!!
and i don't really look as sick anymore :) ... so, i'm told

the pain is gone. my oxygen level just went upto 95 for the first time :)
it was around 87-89 when i came in. below 90 is very bad. even right after removal of my left lung years ago, my O2 level is around 91. normal range is 95-98. last 2 days it was hovering around 90-92 with O2 aid.

it went up to 95 just a minute ago!! .. with O2 aid still but that's great improvement. i thought with my lung condition, it will never go up to normal level again but it surprised me. no wonder I feel so good.. so so good till i wanna jump on the bed :) :) :)
actually I should really get some sleep.. have not been sleeping at all the whole night.
sweet dreams..

things we so easily take for granted- air.

I took my 1st chemo tablet this morning. it's just a small brown tablet and oh! don't ever judge it by its size. it's just as toxin and my daily dosage of toxin from now on. anyway, i was told, unlike conventional chemo, the side effects are minimal i.e. no hair loss, acute vomiting etc. the more usual complaints,
skin rashes, dryness and acne (hmmmm), for some- diarrhea.

what i observed today, it kinda intensify my experiences instead i.e i'm more breathless and tired in the day. for the past nights, i had been complaining my back pain (left shoulder area) from mild in day 1 and then to the scale of bearable and at 2am just now, i buzzed the nurse to please give me pain killer coz the pain is so bad, i can barely move my back.

took the med and waiting for it to take effect before i try to get up to the loo.

fyi, it's a big deal for lisaone to ask for painkiller but what the heck, it's my 1st day on chemo again. take a break, take it easy.
moreover, there are more to come .... acne???? hmmmmm

one more thing that worth mentioning, i'm eating again :) :) :) after almost two months of not being able to do this basic life skill properly and i'm really happy. my colour start to come back and hopefully the meat soon :) more importantly, my strength. desperately need that for a tough fight. I was told,

"Even if you're losing, you have to fight"

yes, I am.
med is working, getting up to the loo now..

I do realize my issue has blown up to mission impossible but I guess as long as there is a chance, there is hope.
I'm starting targeted chemo drugs tomorrow. pray to God I'm receptive to the drug so that I can buy some time for myself. as long as there is time, there is a chance.

i'm feeling better already. need the oxygen tube on at all time for now. I know I look sick and thin like a stick but I wanna show you that i'm still smiling :)
*hugs* to all!

despite the lack of blog entries, i have to make this short as i'm writing this lying on a hospital bed using my iPhone.
yes. i'm admitted to the hospital today. earlier on I was staring at an x-ray which appeared to indicate my right lung, the good lung is fill up with uncountable tumours.
no doubt, I'm very breathless and weak at this point in time, which led to the decision to be admitted...just for a few days at least.
there is no need panic. i'm still cool.. very cool :)
of course there will be more tests and the discussion of the next course of action.
however, let put it to rest for tonight. get some sleep and I will know what to do by then.