....it's all good....

too many things to do. too little time.



for those that diligently check on me here, thank you! and so as not to dissapoint you for dropping by without any update from me, i would like to let you know in advance that i'm taking a blog break for the whole month of April. going for an internet detox. catch on the other bits of life.

wanna go back to the gym. wanna read some books. wanna spent more time playing with my kids. wanna scrapbook. wanna make some mini albums. wanna learn to bake. wanna de-clutter and organise..organise..organise. wanna meet up with friends. wanna go for foot reflex. wanna go shopping. wanna put on some weights. wanna go for massage. wanna drink coffee but cannot! just way too many wants... and yet so little time.

oh. i want a hair cut too....



yes. i will be back in May. till then.

darkness....

last night we survived earth hour! full hour. 8-9pm.
it's easy .. just flicked off all the switches and you are done. 
sustaining it took a little more effort though. barely 10 minutes, it's getting warm. we have the sliding door swung open but tough luck. no wind! not a single breeze! 

the 4 of us took our top off and laid on the floor. bare skin against cold floor... much better. trying to keep the flow, we told each other make believe stories. my hubby started with ultraman something something and Matt continued with how ultraman saved earth day and lil Brad with his 3 pokemons of 3 little pigs version.  please don't asked me to re-iterate their stories here... you don't want to know.

and then, M&B started to get hyper and decided to dance around... jump around... twirl around .... and ended so sweaty and sticky. worst still, they decided it's funny to hug me just to irk me out. make me flinch.

good golly miss molly... times up! it's 9pm. 
so glad we did it. one year from now, i will remember i did something today and not just a forgettable evening. 

moodiness....

today. in the car on our way out for dinner.
lil Brad has been real whiny this few days. throwing tantrums over everything and playing up his 'i want' attitude. he was whining about buying toys before dinner... he wanted pizza and nothing else...

i warned in an expressionless monotonous tone, "lil boy, stop whining and behave or else, i'm gonna throw you out of the car".

his daddy was in a poor temperament too. budgets coming. more work. late nights. lack of sleep. stress. lil Brad's tantrum kinda make it worst. more irritable. i know. understandable but ....

i said in an even more expressionless monotonous tone, "hey, you gotta stop being so agitated or else, i'm gonna throw you out of the car too".

the minute i said that, we heard a burst of laughter from Matt.

"mummy is throwing titi out the car. throwing daddy out the car. but mummy not throwing me out the car. mummy keeping me...YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!"

he is genuinely happy about that! hahaha.

it takes one bad mood to contaminate the others but it also takes another GOOD mood to turn it around.
just need that - LAUGH - and keep moving. 
make the evening more enjoyable... put us in better mood.. more laughter.. more hands holding... more huggies!

sometime all it needs is just a little laughter to spark off that good vibes.

last month Matt visited the zoo under his school field trip. 

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note: amended the sign up link.

my company is circulating a message from Earth Hour to ALL its employees to create awareness as well as to encourage our contribution to support the earth.. to show we care.. and that we love the earth. it only requires a simple act from you to just turn off the lights and household appliances for an hour on 29th March from 8pm to 9pm. you may say what difference does it make in an hour.

huge! people. huge! the power of our thoughts and feelings have an effect on the earth. when people i.e. you and me ... who live and feast on the earth care enough to send out positive beautiful message to the earth by doing a simple deed with big impact that shout out loud "WE CARE WE LOVE"... the love will resonate to the core of the earth.

do i swing widly between tears and rage... do i bend over and bang my head on the floor... do i act like an irrational lunatic with cancer when the blues hit?

well, no. lol.

no doubt cancer add on tons of emotional weights even long after the physical pain subsided. so far, i have not gone for a total meltdown that render me unable to explain my behaviour in the aftermath.

it has its moments but i think i'm coping well.
doing ok. hanging in.
and it's true.

i will not 'mind-dump' my emotion to others either. i kept it pretty much to myself. and will never point fingers to somebody else for my life drama. you won't hear me say this:

"i have cancer. how could you?"

the effect on the other party is even more damaging. even if you are in the wrong, you will automatically shift the guilt to the other party just because you are more vulnerable. so, this is very uncool and i won't play my cancer card this way.

but i don't mind getting a handicapped car park when i'm in a rush and there is no parking space available... yeah. if only.

i slept a lot today.

blood test result came out good. finally it indicated i'm normal again. even my CA125 dropped to 35.6, just a wee bit 0.6 above the acceptable level. but then my doc said there is a whole array of errors with blood test. it doesn't really mean anything concrete except that there is no urgency to take any actions.
*mood started swinging to the right*

i heard him mentioned a few times good good good and probably more than twice fantastic but then, i think he also mentioned good now doesn't mean good forever.... far from it actually. chances of recurrence is high and if does come back... well, i will die (although he never actually said that). way too high mortality rate. of course if i can live past 5 years, the recurrence rate will reduce significantly but unfortunately the chances of recurrence is highest in the 1st 2 years. *mood took a swing to the left now*

by the time we are done and walked out of the hospital, my emotion was swinging like a pendulum. feeling like i'm gonna just drop dead and die. poof and vanish! gone forever. probably should start planning my own funeral now. in fact, all these are old news. nothing that i don't know of but why am i still swinging like a yo-yo when what i hear is just a repetition?  

anyone in the right mind would want to kill their doc at time like this but i guess i'm not in my right mind then and he was spared. indeed i know. i know he is just trying very hard to tell me with good intention, "don't slack. take really good care of yourself and live past this 5 years". 

i did let myself mourn over my shitty situation a little ... just to get it out. 24 hours is all i gave myself. yea.. go! beat yourself up. weep. grief but you are gonna wake up the next day feeling good again- that's what i told me. well, obviously i didn't sleep well that night but the swinging pendulum did stop at a cheerier mood the next day. 

i hesitated writing this post but i decided if i'm gonna talk about my experience with cancer, i guess i should bare my soul too. believe me i'm not always that confidence. that upbeat. there are time that make me just wanna stay like this forever....



(note: just in case you wonder why this pic. balasana or child pose as in yoga is a restful pose slotted in between more challenging asanas.)

first of all, thank you so much to those who commented and did a poll for Xango. Appreciate your thoughts and time.

I bought a case of 4 bottles before CNY. gave a bottle to my mom, a bottle to my in-laws, a bottle for my hubby and another for myself. just to try it out.

JUST because... this boy is learning mandarin using the Zhong Hua Zi Jing (China) approach to mandarin literacy and we like to tease him.

whenever we said, "Matt, speak mandarin please".
he will automatically start his recitation:
"fu mu die niang. mo chi nan wang. xiong di jie mei. wei kun zhu bang. gu yi shu jiu. qin qi hu fang. zhi nan qui shao. bu yu zhuo zhuang and so forth"
he memorized it well, pronounced it well but i doubt he understand it. it's tough stuff! and it crack us up whenever he practices his mandarin recital.
PLEASE PLEASE let him continue to have this eagerness to learn.

JUST because... this little fella is my sous chef now...