....it's all good....
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
WHAT?
i did wonder will i be as cool as i wanna be when i get my blood test result today. if the result turn out unfavorable, can i calmly flick it off my shoulder as if it's nothing worth my attention?
well, i stared at the paper a second longer and went "WHAT?"
and then, laughed a little shaking my head..
it reads, CEA -329
well, not as calm as i wanna be but at least i'm cool...
well, i stared at the paper a second longer and went "WHAT?"
and then, laughed a little shaking my head..
it reads, CEA -329
well, not as calm as i wanna be but at least i'm cool...
for the record
after i completed chemo treatment, i visited my doc every 2-3 months for follow up and blood test routine. i found out my cancer came back late Feb 09 from test result taken in early Dec 08. for the record,
CEA is a cancer tumour marker and the normal range is 0-5.
April 07- when i first diagnosed, my CEA reading..
CEA: 22.7.. and they already said it's bloody high back then.
Feb 09- when i went back for my check up and saw the Dec blood test result, i so wanna jump across the table, pounce on my doc and strangle him ...just like in the movie. however, he should thank my mom i don't have any violent nature in me, so, i only managed to utter something sarcastic like, "if you are not gonna check it, what's the point of taking the test?".. and in actual fact, i had forgiven him by the time i left the hospital. there is no room in my heart for that.
Dec 08 result CEA: 35 and a re-test in Feb 09 CEA: 78.1.. it has freaking doubled!
Mac 09: i did a pet scan and MRI brain scan. confirmed relapse, mainly in the trachea. other major organs are safe. more than one doc gave me the prognosis of 6-8 months. they wanted me to go back on chemo to extend my life.
April 09: i don't believe chemo is the only option especially if they are telling me chemo is not gonna save me but probably extend my life a little. i believe in natural healing. i detoxed. i anti-oxidised. i qigong. i exercised. i ate grass, leaves..whatever that helps. i stayed happy..hoping.. praying that i can at least slow it down. i don't expect to turn it around immediately but come on, at least show some response... it did. just not to my expectation. the test result in April came out..
CEA- 137.8
i stumbled, fell hard and crashed on the ground! my confidence shattered to pieces. not only i can't slow it down a wee bit... it scored big time!
May 09: i picked myself up and physco myself not to give up but try again... maybe try harder this time. if its getting too aggressive, there is always chemo and here it goes, my last reading..
CEA - 197.6
yep. cancer whooped my ass. for a while, i do think chemo is the only choice. however i just couldn't convince myself to go on chemo and make myself so sick for the remaining of my lives.. especially when i'm feeling so alright now. i do think quality of life is just an important. if i only have a few months to go, i wanna be able to hug and play and kiss and laugh with my kids and not sick and puking and depressed.
so i decided i won't go for chemo unless.. until.. symptoms arise and i need chemo to help alleviates the symptoms.
i did another blood test again yesterday and will be getting the result today. no pressure. i'm not setting any expectation anymore. i'm taking the test now just for the record and see how the buggers are doing.
will let you know later tonight. do come back and check on me :)
CEA is a cancer tumour marker and the normal range is 0-5.
April 07- when i first diagnosed, my CEA reading..
CEA: 22.7.. and they already said it's bloody high back then.
Feb 09- when i went back for my check up and saw the Dec blood test result, i so wanna jump across the table, pounce on my doc and strangle him ...just like in the movie. however, he should thank my mom i don't have any violent nature in me, so, i only managed to utter something sarcastic like, "if you are not gonna check it, what's the point of taking the test?".. and in actual fact, i had forgiven him by the time i left the hospital. there is no room in my heart for that.
Dec 08 result CEA: 35 and a re-test in Feb 09 CEA: 78.1.. it has freaking doubled!
Mac 09: i did a pet scan and MRI brain scan. confirmed relapse, mainly in the trachea. other major organs are safe. more than one doc gave me the prognosis of 6-8 months. they wanted me to go back on chemo to extend my life.
April 09: i don't believe chemo is the only option especially if they are telling me chemo is not gonna save me but probably extend my life a little. i believe in natural healing. i detoxed. i anti-oxidised. i qigong. i exercised. i ate grass, leaves..whatever that helps. i stayed happy..hoping.. praying that i can at least slow it down. i don't expect to turn it around immediately but come on, at least show some response... it did. just not to my expectation. the test result in April came out..
CEA- 137.8
i stumbled, fell hard and crashed on the ground! my confidence shattered to pieces. not only i can't slow it down a wee bit... it scored big time!
May 09: i picked myself up and physco myself not to give up but try again... maybe try harder this time. if its getting too aggressive, there is always chemo and here it goes, my last reading..
CEA - 197.6
yep. cancer whooped my ass. for a while, i do think chemo is the only choice. however i just couldn't convince myself to go on chemo and make myself so sick for the remaining of my lives.. especially when i'm feeling so alright now. i do think quality of life is just an important. if i only have a few months to go, i wanna be able to hug and play and kiss and laugh with my kids and not sick and puking and depressed.
so i decided i won't go for chemo unless.. until.. symptoms arise and i need chemo to help alleviates the symptoms.
i did another blood test again yesterday and will be getting the result today. no pressure. i'm not setting any expectation anymore. i'm taking the test now just for the record and see how the buggers are doing.
will let you know later tonight. do come back and check on me :)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
wakey! wakey!
i felt so insanely lethargic over the past week that i can barely stay awake. the minute i woke up..i wanna go back to sleep again.. the more i sleep.. the more i wanna sleep..
and the dragginess.. oh! please drag me off the bed.. drag me off the couch.. drag me off the floor..
besides, my body was aching all over.. especially the muscles surrounding my surgical wound at my back and along the front ribcage... or could it be my bones?
maybe i finally overworked my body to exhaustion..
maybe i injured myself..
maybe the cancer has progresses.. and maybe it has spread to the bones?
possibly. it did cross my mind.
altho' i'm yet to bounce back to life but the good news is i'm waking up now :) my energy level is returning and the discomfort of the muscles, bones or whatever..
and the dragginess.. oh! please drag me off the bed.. drag me off the couch.. drag me off the floor..
besides, my body was aching all over.. especially the muscles surrounding my surgical wound at my back and along the front ribcage... or could it be my bones?
maybe i finally overworked my body to exhaustion..
maybe i injured myself..
maybe the cancer has progresses.. and maybe it has spread to the bones?
possibly. it did cross my mind.
altho' i'm yet to bounce back to life but the good news is i'm waking up now :) my energy level is returning and the discomfort of the muscles, bones or whatever..
well, is still there. however, i must say it's improving. so i hope it has nothing to do with cancer.
anyway, i'm changing my strategy. i think i'm spending too much time rushing around for this and that and not eating as proper as i should. my weight is scaling down too fast. i'm going flat front and back (not that i have alot to spare in the first place :P) i'm serious!
anyway, i'm changing my strategy. i think i'm spending too much time rushing around for this and that and not eating as proper as i should. my weight is scaling down too fast. i'm going flat front and back (not that i have alot to spare in the first place :P) i'm serious!
so, starting now, i'm going to cut down on physical exercises including qigong and if possible spend more time at home so that i can focus on my food intake.
it's late, should be in bed right now but before that..
Brad wanted a bunk bed for his birthday, and since then, they will pick their own bedtime stories, read on their own or to each other ..every night without fail..
love the scene.
i still count my blessings :)
~until next time. good night.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
just be happy
i've been meaning to write a post for the longest time and yet i couldn't write anything half decent to publish. so, for a start, let's make it short.. a nice kick-start warm up.. to let you know,
i'm fine (still) :)
for those who has lost touch with me,
"i'm still alive. yeah!!!"... altho' my doc said it won't be long... i was told advanced stage lung cancer carries grave prognosis, probably 6-8 months and if i'm lucky, maybe i can live up to 12 months. that was almost 3 months ago...
errr...let's call him bluff :P :P
(no, i'm not in denial, trust me, i'm working my butt off to prove him worng)
i believe in staying positive. i believe in eating well.
mostly, i believe in being happy. so, just be happy!
for those who misses the 2littlefellas, the boys are awesome!!
~until next time ;)
i'm fine (still) :)
for those who has lost touch with me,
"i'm still alive. yeah!!!"... altho' my doc said it won't be long... i was told advanced stage lung cancer carries grave prognosis, probably 6-8 months and if i'm lucky, maybe i can live up to 12 months. that was almost 3 months ago...
errr...let's call him bluff :P :P
(no, i'm not in denial, trust me, i'm working my butt off to prove him worng)
i believe in staying positive. i believe in eating well.
mostly, i believe in being happy. so, just be happy!
for those who misses the 2littlefellas, the boys are awesome!!
~until next time ;)
